Public Parking

Dear Ian:
This will be brief as it is late and I played far too much video games for the evening. Did I just say too much? Impossible. I played a lot of video games this evening.

Anyhow, following up on bumper stickers, and automobiles and, I guess, trying to string something along thematically, I just wanted to toss some advice out there about public parking.

First, learn how to parallel park early. Do not wait until you are 15 or 16 and working on your learner's permit. Start now. Parallel park your stroller, with your mother's supervision of course, and feel free to make the "beep-beep" backing sound while you practice. Graduate from the stroller to the tricycle, Big Wheel (R), or whatever pre-K transportation device you find at your disposal. Start a valet parking business for pre-teen birthday parties. Your uncle Jim may still have the red vest (a completely different story for a completely different time...warning it is PG-13). I can not overemphasize the importance of this skill.

That said, most public parking is angle parking. Malls, grocery stores, universities, airports and delicatessans are primarily angle parking. In and to the right in the northern hemisphere, in and to the left in the southern hemisphere. Certainly easier than its parking cousin the parallel, it is often the choice of city planners, architects, and Vegas 21 dealers.

Now, here is where it gets a bit tricky and very important. There are lines. Usually the lines are painted yellow. Sometimes they are painted white. The car, truck, SUV, moped, bicycle, scooter, bus, tram, cart, whatever, goes in between the lines. In between. Centered.

Now, apparently, the gentleman or lady that pulled their Range Rover (R) into the spot next to my Jeep(R) this afternoon was not aware that the lines were there for such a purpose. Perhaps they felt the lines were merely a suggestion. I don't know. They did, however, manage to manuever the vehicle as closely as possible to the Jeep's driver's side door, that if you were to drop a penny into the space, Lincoln would have come out clean shaven.

By the way, the passenger side door on the Jeep is broken and has been since it was broken into when I lived in California.

If the zipper on my computer bag, and the handle on my Thermos (R), and the door of my Jeep(R) made A LOT of contact with the passenger side of this offending vehicle, I am sure that it was incidental. Kind of like when your dad or your uncle are screaming at the TV for a pass interference call during the big State game and the refs signal "incidental contact."

So, my advice to you is: If you find it necessary to wedge an oversized vehicle into an undersized angle parking spot, at least make sure that you block the passenger side, as it is the least necessary entry point, rather than the driver's side which is utilized 100% of the time. This will save you at least $85 in Earl Scheib fees.